As I said before, way back you really didn't come across that many cross dressing men. The next person I met was a lovely, shy young man at work in the 1990s. He had just undergone full medical 'transition' in his mid 20s. Having had the principles of anti discriminatory practice drummed into me during my social work training, I was annoyed at those who would be nice to his face and gossip behind his back. I wasn't a trans ally as such as 'trans' as a movement was not a thing.
My next experience in the later 90s gave me some pause for thought. My male, gay best friend took me into a pub in the gay village in Manchester, where cross dressing straight men were welcome on a certain night. While the gay community gave them a space, some gay men almost saw it a a spectator sport, laughing about their bad hair and makeup behind their back. When I hear the sanctimonious attitude of some gay men parroting the TWAW mantra, I often remember this.
My friend was one of the worst for doing this but was tolerant to all outsiders to be fair . He made friends with a cross dresser who had undergone full surgery. He asked me to accompany him to their birthday party. I met, what at first seemed to be a nice, quiet polite man, who worked as a carer and was living a decent life trying to keep under the radar. Unfortunately he was very large, even for a man, and would never have passed in a million years. I also met a few TiFs, which I had never heard of before. They on the other hand, seemed so full of themselves and very snotty. Maybe trying to deliberately be 'manly' or pumped up on T, who knows or cares. My friend and myself were however taken aback when this man, in his mid 50s started to go on a obviously oft heard rant about what bastards his wife and kids were for not accepting him. How it was all his ex's fault because she was a bitch etc. The nice persona just disappeared. We were both at a loss as to why thought his wife, kids and grandkids would not be upset after losing their husband, father and grandfather…and not surprised given this attitude, they wanted nothing to do with him.
My next experience was in the mid 2000s through a Disability Labour event. I met a very confident blind what I thought was a woman who held a high position and wanted to be an MP. She did pass, not because she fit the typical female stereotype…the opposite in fact. He was was tiny for a man and looked for all the world like an unattractive old woman ( though he wasn't that old). I did not agree with a lot of ‘her’ politics but was impressed by the way ‘she’ stood up for herself even against the large, male chair of the group …but could still turn on the pity moves when losing the argument. At that time some male usually piped up about a 'woman being spoken to like that'. Everyone tried to tell me what a manipulative and nasty individual 'she'was. I just thought politics was a dirty game and put it down to infighting. It was not until some time later I found out 'she' was a 'he' but had no problem at the time with him sharing the same toilets or interacting with him as a woman…a thing I could not say on another occasion, when I went to another Labour event where a hulking, great cross dressing man took over workshops, even trying to speak for me when I had just spoken about my experience of disability discrimination in local candidate recruitment practices. He was pushy, invasive and arrogant. Many ppl tried to swerve him, not because he was trans, but because he behaved like the entitled man he was. Having heard a bit of his backstory I would have felt some compassion if he hadn't been such a typical badly behaved man.
I had been retired from work because of a serious chronic illness in 2008. I decided to do a master's back at Manchester. I was very lucky afterwards to win a scholarship to do a PhD..which I could not complete because of a bad relapse. I was recounting a story I had read about a 'transwoman' being refused entry to a woman's meeting to one of my supervisors who was a lesbian. Being a very progressive woman, I was sure she would also be appalled until she very nicely put me straight. This was in 2013 just before the cult took hold. I definitely saw her point and changed my mind on the issue.
Not long after I relapsed and was off for months. When I returned and went into the disabled students support office, I was shocked to see it plastered with leaflets and posters about 'Trans' issues. I did not feel like I belonged in that office anymore and it was for an entirely different group of people now. I often feel sad that I could not complete my PhD because of my health. I now think mother nature stepped in just in time to save me. Imagine having to tutor undergrads coming out with gender woo. I wouldn't have lasted five minutes. In the final part. I will describe how I was turned into a TERF
Yup, I know that my ex, Neddy, complained about me and our sons not being "supportive" but the piece that audience did not hear from him was about the sneaking around, spending money, going on pretend "business trips" for the purpose of cross-dressing and then in the end, committing fraud twice in court to skip out of paying child support. I calculated the legal costs I paid added to the child support my kids didn't get and came up with a ballpark figure of 100k in American dollars. And now, he's the COO of his tech company. The boss, in other words.